So here it goes, tissues please.... this is like a therapy session... without the big bill at the end...
I am very indecisive. I honestly wish I could hire someone to make decisions for me. This whole thing comes from another problem I have, which is to over think everything!
I am a planner. I need to have everything organized and planned. Going to dinner, I need to have time and place in order. But oh no...there's more, I need to find out times we may be starting and finishing, my bus and subway routes, who is going to be there, what am I wearing, how am I getting home, are we going out after dinner, should I wear flats or heels, coat or no coat...it's actually annoying! I recently went out for a bachelorette party and had plans to go home afterward, but I was having so much fun that I lost track of time and it was too late to take a bus and the subway was closed, plus I wasn't exactly dressed for a bus ride home late at night, and a cab would have cost me $60 from where I was! So I had to sleep over at a friends. I had not planned this, so I had no makeup remover, no change of clothes, no pj's, no toothbrush and best of all no case for my contacts and no eyeglassses (did I mention I am blind!) . But to be honest it was so freeing to just not have a plan, to just for once brush my teeth with my finger and pop a mint into my mouth, to wear a pair of pj's that weren't mine, to leave my contacts in a shot glass full of contact solution, to go home on a Sunday morning dressed in a mini skirt and pumps and not care what the church going crowd was saying!
I write everything down! I mean everything...feel free to laugh, when I have to go to an event, like say a wedding, I write out an entire list of what has to get done. Yes, even shaving my legs goes on the list, as if I would forget right! cause how fantastic would I look in my dress with a few days stuble on my legs!! I think I may be suffering from some memory loss, as I get older I tend to forget what the heck I came into the kitchen to get, and lots of other things, so writing it down helps. Plus I heard that almonds help...if you were curious.
I complain a lot. I mean about work, life, career, if things don't turn out quite how I expected. But I have gotten better with this. I realize that there are people in the world who don't have food, water or clothes on their backs, and this puts it all into perspective for me and then I tend to shut up.
I have social anxiety. I care a lot about what people think of me. Going to the taping of the S&C show was a huge step for me, but I am glad I went because I met so many great people and it was an unforgettable experience. I often pass up events and stuff because of this social anxiety. I get this feeling like people are staring at me only it's amplified, and that they are judging me, and then I turn red and start to sweat, it's horrific, but I've learned to control it over the years.
I tend to put others before me. While this doesn't sound like an imperfection at first, it kinda is. Sometimes when you do this you get put on the back burner and people take advantage of you and you begin to resent them. You end up doing things you don't want to, and going places you don't want to go! It's like having no backbone, and sometimes we all just need a little backbone and toughness and we have to learn to say NO.
me and my boyfriend, despite my imperfections, I feel perfect when I am with him
I have a bad temper. I get angry easily, I cry easily. I am overly emotional. Hey I am a Cancer afterall, and trust me you don't want to see me when I am PMS-ing. I get this "awesome" quality from my mom's side. They are loud when they argue and so am I. My boyfriend is so calm and reserved when we get into an argument, while I am crying, mascara running down my face, hands flailing in the air, door slamming kind of person. But I have made a real effort to change this I swear! plus my boyfriend says he can't stand it anymore!
I am not a very good listener. I really try, but because I tend to think a lot my attention span is not very good.
I don't cook and clean as much as I really should. While I share a household with my sister and mother (my parents are divorced and I am not yet married) and most of the tasks like finances, cleaning, cooking etc, are split between the three of us, there are times when I spend all day blogging and making soaps for my side business, on the days that I am not working (I work at a hospital, so there is a lot of shift work). I look at the clock and realize 12 hours just flew by!
I let fear of failure hold me back. I am not a risk taker, infact I hate to gamble. I feel like I can spend that money on something else, or put it into the bank! I know so boring right! But I also never take risks when it comes to life, career, love, and I know that if I did, I might be a happier person right now, because I wouldn't have a lot of regret.
physically, I am okay in size but because I am short, whenever I gain weight it tends to show! But I did join a gym recently so things are looking up. I have a bump on the bridge of my nose from an accident when I was young. I am pretty sure one of my eyes is bigger then the other. I have an astigmatism in my right eye. I have giant sized pupils which makes my eyes red in every photo I ever take! my problem area is my stomach, no matter how hard I try to make it flat, it seems to inflate when I eat! Plus I am lactose intolerant and have had an ulcer and IBS since I was 19. Just in case you were wondering I am only 26, and I have the intestines of a 80 year old!
Okay so there are way more imperfections, but right now it's too hard to think about all of them on the spot, I am sure after I post this I will go write some more down! HA HA!!
I know I am in no way perfect, and that I never will be, but for now I am working on making myself a better person. That's all any of us can really do. I hope you enjoyed my little therapy session rant, after that long @ss list I guess I should be expecting a large bill in the mail from my readers! Thanks for listening.